No festive lunch is complete without nice seasonal jokes! Let’s get some of the best Christmas jokes ever.
Funny Christmas jokes
My kids are terribly afraid of Santa Clause. I call them Claustrophobic.
Don’t catch the snowflake with your tongue until you make sure all the birds has gone south.
One day, a nice boy wrote a letter to Santa Clause, saying: “Could you send me a sister, please?”. Santa Clause wrote a reply: “Deal, send me your mother”.
Do you know what motorbike does Santa use? A Holly Davidson!
364 days left until Christmas and everyone is ready with their Christmas lights and decorations. Unbelievable magic…
You are the reason for Santa to have the naughty list!
You stop believing in Santa when you start buying clothes as presents.
A real man has three stages in life: he believes in Santa. He doesn’t. He is Santa.
A dyslexic Satanist gave his soul to Santa.
There’s too much holiday cheer for you if you tell everyone it’s time for you to go home and it turns out that the party is at your place.
Dirty Christmas jokes
Why does Santa always stop his sleigh on the roof? – It’s because he likes it on top!
Santa hasn’t got any children, how can it be? – It’s ‘cause he comes once a year. Once. Down the chimney.
Mrs. Clause always dreams of a white Christmas… Why? Cause Santa Clause comes once a year!
Snowmen make snow babies with snowballs…
The elves laugh hysterically when running… Why? Because snow tickles their little balls?
Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just glad to see me now?
Santa never has children, because his package is always well-wrapped.
The common thing between the Pope and Christmas trees is that their balls are used for decoration.
Christmas jokes and riddles
Do you know what Santa feels when stuck in the chimney? – Claustrophobia!
Who brings presents to baby crabs on Christmas? – Santa Claws.
What famous Christmas song is hidden in this alphabet? – A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z (The answer is “Noel” – no “L”).
Imagine that an honest politician, a frank lawyer and Santa Claus caught a glimpse of a $10 bill on the floor. Do you know who seized it? – Of course, Santa – those two just don’t exist!
Every Christmas is just like your everyday job. Do you know why? – You do all the job yourself and some fat bearded guy in red gets all the payment.
Christmas jokes for kids